Tails from the Sofa

Morning, how's it going? Been thinking of you all even though I haven't put claw and paw to keypad lately. Lazy me.  Anyway don't you think things are still somewhat (!?) strange? One can only tell what day it is by the bin lorry. The Lock Down says it's Saturday so it's bin day plus 3 here. Unnerving. Told the LD she needs a plan of action. The look she gave me. It would have striped wallpaper. Ouch. I'm interested in knowing what are you all up to though? Lots of the Lock Down's friends and colleagues work in schools so she's been supporting them by DM till all hours (that's not Dog Mess(age) by the way, it's true...think about it, think about it...) She says sometimes people just need to know they aren't alone. She has me though so what more could she possibly want? Do keep talking to her, she's not exactly going anywhere. On a more personal note the Lock Down has been back to work, after a fashion, with a vengeance this week. Her head...

Yo dudes. You all ok out there? It's kindness week so let's be kinder to each other shall we? Golly, that sounds like an order. It's not. You oomans have beem A.Maz.Ing lately but let's still hold each other close (you don't need to be in the same physical place as someone to hold them close) and be gentle. You could all look into my eyes if you like. Apparently this is really calming. The Lock Down and I lock eyes regularly in a weird staring contest type thing which is oddly reassuring for her, the poor lamb. Over sharing? Sorry. The Lock Down was really busy yesterday so I didn't see her very much. I checked on her once or twice in case she had a biscuit on her personage, but she didn't so I left the room. How selfish! She knows that she wasn't as busy as some people by any stretch of the imagination by the way but says her day was productive nonetheless. And fun. I heard laughing at one point. Goodness.  I'm getting a bit worried about you lot if...

You all ok out there? We've been hearing about some doggy owners who've been ill for 6 weeks so do take care. This virus thing is a complete b*...the Lock Down has told me off for bad language. I'm not sorry! Things at Lock Down Mews are much of a muchness to be honest. Still no idea what day of the week it is, still talking to each other, still having moments of staring into space; and that's not just me. The only news worth noting in my life at the moment is that I've had a dodgy tum (ate grass which helps) and I'm moulting. You know those clumps of underfur fluff type clumps, those. Adds to the tumbleweed. The Lock Down combed me the other day. You could have lined several birds nests with the fluff. Other than that nothing is changed. I was a complete walk refuser the other night though. Digging my claws into the pavement and straining on the lead seemed to do the trick. Relieved myself and turned back home. No more than 200 paces. Perfect. If you are a dog ...

Morning. Or should I say morning again? More of this later. How's you all doing? Things were a bit off kilter here last week as I understand it was for many people. The rainy weather didn't help. We all feel better in the sunshine even an old sofa lie-a-bed like me don't we? Some of us positively bask in it. I actually request a short walk by hanging around looking doleful by the front door when the sun shines. Glory be. My role as an unofficial therapy dog was therefore in much demand last week. The Lock Downs all told me their troubles...bless them. Everyone together in one place for weeks on end sometimes has its less than lovely moments don't you agree? Nothing serious don't panic, just a general level of grumpiness. The state of the nation perhaps? I hope that if this is you your dog is listening to you. A nice  walk is a good opportunity for a dog to ooman natter, though the Lock Down tries not to actually talk out loud. Of course we're only allowed out on...

Mornin' all (what time is it actually? Every day is defo merging into one here at Lock Down Mews) Today, so they announced, the Lock Down's are having "another" major tidy up. This one requires sofa moving apparently. No one will find any money down there but I bet you a pound to a pinch of dog food they find one of the Lock Down's socks. She has a penchant for fluffy unicorn socks the poor dear. Luckily these days I don't actually eat socks (can't be bothered) though I know some of my brethren do like a nice stinky sock. Think vets fees darlings vets fees...let alone the idea of the cone of shame. Personally I think that they are tidying as some form of displacement activity. The tidy up if it follows previous form will involve: Huffing and puffing...not exertion, exasperation. Bits of wool, food particles, fur in the sofa. You know the story. Moaning about too many cushions. No such thing. Nest making material for my inner cat. Me barking a...

The Lock Down (I may have mentioned this before so do forgive me if I have; I'm getting on a bit and am prone to repetition, I said I'm prone...oh never mind...) is taking part in a #dailywritingchallenge. Today's word so she tells me is ritual . She's been pondering this word all day and we decided that we'd write it together so  if something gets lost in translation we can blame each other. It's a dog's life. As you will know, if you've read Tails from the Sofa before, I am a creature of habit. The thing the Lock Down is wondering is though is whose habit is it? Mine and they follow me or theirs and I fall in line? Same happens at work with cultural mores one supposes. The Lock Down is self employed so sets her own habits and routines. Every habit is punctuated by the ritual of coffee that much I do know. I also know when it's 5.00pm because that's the time for doggy din dins. I lead (geddit) they follow here or else I am prone to bark sharply....

Evening folks. It's Saturday night so that means Party 🎉Time? No? Oh well. It's not party time here either. The Lock Down say she feels somewhat discombobulated by the latest news so has had more than one glass of something she calls 'a cheeky pinot' to help her dislocate a bit...these days I can't say I blame her, can you? If I was in the Lock Downs shoes I'd be having double bonio as well. It's all got a bit blurggh lately. Anyway friends I've had a nice Saturday have you? It rained first thing so no walkies (yay!). I watched Hotel for Dogs this afternoon to which I paid no attention at all. It was clichéd nonsense apparently. I like watching sheep dog trails though and my friend the whippersnapper whippet from down the bank puts his paws on the TV cabinet to watch television. Now that is cheeky! Does he contribute to their TV licence I wonder? So, friends what are you up to since you can't go out. Staying in is the new going out so they say. Quic...

Morning campers. I hope you are all keeping well. The Lock Downs are fine since you ask. Didn't see one of them much yesterday because the sun was shining and she was outside most of the day. Reading a book. A whole one. All at once. Isn't that the way you eat stolen cake? Coughs. The Lock Down's garden (small) isn't surrounded by a 6ft fence and even at my elderly years I'm liable to escape if I see a cat so I'm only allowed out on a lead or under close supervision. Humpf. I do like to bake my weary bones in the sunshine. May bark to be let outside later...or a nice walk. That would be lovely. Flowers to sniff etc. I like flowers. Back to the news. Looks like we're on lock down for another three weeks. This is a serious worry...the price of dog food in the local shop is rather more than in the supermarket and the Lock Downs are rightly worried. Not as worried as me though. I get ill if my diet is messed about with because they can't get my usual fare. U...

The Lock Down is part of something called the #dailywritimgchallenge. Keeps her busy I suppose. The poor thing feels a bit adrift at the moment but judging by the looks on the faces of the people we pass on our walkies she's not alone. Everyone seems to be going what the heck?  a lot. As long as everyone washes their hands and wrists properly from this time forward then maybe just maybe we'll get out from under. Talking of under I've taken to hiding under a large cushion because if someone gets my lead out and I can't see them then whatever it is they want can't actually be happening. Anyway today's #dailywritingchallenge is about loyalty so I've hijacked the Lock Down's blog page to pass on my ill-considered thoughts on loyalty..here goes ...a dog's eye view. For what it's worth... I'm loyal. Your faithful friend. I'm by your side literally all the time. I look at you with both hope and expectation. I need you and you need me. No, you re...

Greetings earthlings, how be you all? We're certainly not in Kansas anymore that's for sure and the Lock Down to whom am I dictating this dog-blog is vaguely (!) aware it might be Wednesday. Is it? Who knows. Here at Lock Down Mews the Lock Downs have decided that staying in is the new going out and are quite literally taking it in turns to exit the premises for walkies, shopping and running around the block. Mrs Lock Down seems to be the one doing all the shopping, including a trip to the local hardware shop for doggie waste bags and bird seed (she knows how to rock), and Young Lock Down bakes a lot. I sit and wait hopefully for tasty crumbs but she point blank refuses because I'm turning into a "unit" apparently. Not a clue but it sounds vaguely insulting; young people today eh? The only solution to this kind of behaviour is the side eye. Dog owners will know exactly what a side eyed look means...yup...get stuffed in doggie language...be afraid, be very afraid.....

Wow!  I sent out a All Dog's Bark yesterday for dog blogs and I'm thrilled to announce we have a winner! Actually I only had one entrant but it's early days ...all doggy blogs welcome...share the fur, sorry share the love. So a big waggy tail to Boris. And yes it's true, we've met. We walked in the same space that's all I'm saying! Enjoy My name is Boris and I am a German Shepherd. I am the boss. I am a big boy because I am nearly 4. I have met Dogpaws when he came to visit. He was ok but we will ever be best dog friends. He barked at me in my own conservatory. How rude was that! He needn't visit again if he is going to be like that. My Mum was a police dog and my Dad was a pedigree so I am definitely the boss. I own two humans and I also own the downstairs of my house and the gardens. I would like to own upstairs but the humans have a gate to stop me. They sometimes forget to shut the gate so I sneak upstairs to see where I can leave fur. The first time...

Morning all, Hope that everyone is safe distancing and washing their paws. The Lock Down is complaining her hands are dry...not a thought in her head for my poor paws. They need some TLC do my four paws if she has a mo but I'd rather not have a bath if that's ok. My annual spring bath is due soon and I'm already panicking...with not much else to do over the Easter break I could end up with two. Think of me. Us lurchers aren't known for their webbed paws. I look like a drowned rat when I'm being washed and it's not a good look I can assure you.  Is it just here or is everyone getting into a new groove? Physical distancing in this house means I often have a choice of sofas. It's heavenly. They were all working on something different in different rooms yesterday...I was a bit lonely so I had a sleep. Plus ca change. The kettle was on a lot though and that meant the fridge door kept opening but there were no pickings for me sadly. One of the Lock Downs has given...

Now as any greyhound owner knows the zoomies is what happens when you decide to go loop-de-loop in circles around the house, up and down the stairs or round the garden like your tail's on fire. Over and over till your battery's flat. Aaah those were the days my friend, I thought they'd never end...These days it appears those doing the zoomies are more  likely to be doing meetings with other Lock Downs from the comfort of their own home than charging about in circles. Metaphorical ones still apply don't panic.  So here in the interest of my continuing public service broadcast mandate and of course respecting GDPR (Greyhound's Done Please Rest - all greyhound family members covered) these are my Lock Downs ill considered thoughts on zooming. 1. Buy shares. Oh, too late! 2. Get dressed before zooming. No one wants to see you in your PJ's. Especially if you are still in bed. True story. Not the Lock Down, heaven forbid. 3. No alcohol. You may need it but save the al...

Morning world. Is it Saturday? I can't tell the difference any more. In my life one day is very much like another anyway but for the Lock Downs it must be very confusing. The poppets. They seem to be coping so far but I understand there's a long way to go yet. Before I go on I do hope you're all keeping your paws clean. Apparently if you sing happy birthday twice through that's about 20 seconds which is enough to upset the equilibrium of this pesky virus. Thinking about it though surely this is dependent on how big your paws are and how fast you sing. Whatever you do though stay safe. My cat friends (!) are always cleaning their paws so maybe there's a lesson in there for us all. Furballs!  Yesterday, one of the Lock Downs said that they always planned their Saturday outing on a Friday night even if it was just doing a bit of shopping or nipping out for cake. Said that it felt really weird to know they can't but totally understood why they couldn't. May I ta...

Morning campers.  Sun's shining. Bit chilly here though not cold enough for my lovely coat. Yes, I have a coat. Lots of lurchers do. We're delicate souls. So, what's on your to do list today? Mine consists of the following activities listed below, well I say activity...you might say that but I couldn't possibly comment... At the time of writing I'm still in bed. It's 8.15am. It's not my bed I'm in obviously, that's used sparingly because it's a very special place. I'm actually on the Lock Down's bed. Right in the middle. Perfect. I'll get up when the Lock Down goes in hunt of more coffee I imagine; if I can be bothered. Not sure if I'll get up yet as I've just chased a few imaginary rabbits and I need a rest. When I do get downstairs I'll flop down on the carpet. Walking down stairs is exhausting. I can't run down them too often in case I hurt my elderly arthritic paws. (Sympathy please). Then I'll wait nicely for ...

Now before we start the story I need to know you are all sitting comfortably...on your sofas and tails; keeping your paws clean and off the work surfaces if at all possible. Here endeth the health warning. Yesterday I had two breakfasts. I did not let on that I had two breakfasts what with me being a dog and all I can't actually talk. I used my big brown dolefuls to great effect and got fed twice. Two empty dog bowls and a full tummy. Yummy Yummy. My owners did not communicate the fact that they had both fed me at breakfast until it came to dinner time, though one did wonder why I kept needing to go outside. They must learn to communicate better. Having two breakfasts did not stop me wanting my bonio or the left over broccoli mind you. I mean what's dog to do when we are in lock down? Go on a diet? No chance. Can't visit friends. Can't go tearing round, though my tearing around days are long gone, so it's more of a half hearted half circle these days, Grandma'...